As the coronavirus pandemic compels Americans to work from home — or forces them out of work entirely — their pets are also adjusting to a new world. Here is an oral history of the past week, as it would be told by the country's cats and dogs, if they could talk. (A little levity never cured anything, but it never hurt either.)
Geraldine, maine coon, Burlington, Vt.: At the end of last week, I began to notice small things. The ogre would come in the door carrying a strange mask. He would stay up later than usual, watching the people on television with the long eyelashes and aggressive hairlines.
Scotty, yellow lab mix, Dayton, Ohio: CAN I JUST TELL YOU THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. AT FIRST IT WAS HARD TO PUT MY PAW ON WHY. WHY WAS THE SUN SHINING BRIGHTER? WHY WAS THE GRASS GREENER? WHY WASN'T I SINKING INTO HOWLING, EIGHT-HOUR DEPRESSIONS EVERY DAY, STARTING JUST AFTER BREAKFAST AND ENDING JUST BEFORE DINNER?
Eleanor, Himalayan, Oakland, Calif: We previously had a workable routine: Vicki would kindly vacate the condo for most of every weekday, like clockwork, and I would have Me Time, which I absolutely need to recharge. We had to share a bit more on the weekends, but that was fine. We had a gracious understanding. She's a medical professional, and therefore less prone to hysterics of affection.
Scotty, yellow lab mix, Dayton, Ohio: NOW THAT I THINK BACK, I REALIZE THAT MASTER WAS CLEARLY ANXIOUS AND THIS MADE ME ANXIOUS BUT THE UPSIDE WAS THAT WE WERE WALKING SO MUCH MORE THAN USUAL.
Geraldine: Then, at the start of this week, the ogre wasn't leaving during the day. At first I thought, 'Okay, I've gotten the calendar mixed up, and it must be a holiday."
Charlamagne tha Dog, Frenchie, New Rochelle, N.Y.: ONE THING I LIKE ABOUT HOME IS THAT IS VERY PEACEFUL BUT THEN IT GOT REAL CRAZY. THERE ARE STRANGE VEHICLES AND FLASHING LIGHTS EVERYWHERE, BUT ALSO MORE BUDDIES ARE OUT. ALTHOUGH I CAN'T SAY HELLO TO THEM LIKE USUAL! OUR MASTERS ARE NOT SAYING HELLO, SO WE ARE NOT SAYING HELLO. BUDDIES HELLO.
Geraldine: But then I checked and it wasn't a holiday. It's March. There are no holidays in March.
Chuckles, springer spaniel, Oxford, Miss.: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND. MY FAMILY IS WORRIED ABOUT OTHER FAMILY. WORRIED ABOUT SCHOOL. WORRIED ABOUT FOOD. I GO TO THEM, ONE BY ONE. HERE IS SOME LOVE. HERE IS SOME LOVE. I AM HERE FOR YOU.
Eleanor: Vicki doesn't have a TV, so it took a little bit to figure out what was going on. Obviously something was amiss, because she's either gone for too long or home for too long. When she's home, she's exhausted but talking to her friends much more, and I overhear it. There's some kind of plague, and the humans are giving it to each other, because they are a frail, vulgar species.
Scotty: I GUESS IT WAS YESTERDAY WHEN I REALIZED THAT MASTER IS WORKING FROM HOME MORE THAN USUAL. THAT IS WHY I AM DERANGED WITH HAPPINESS. THE ROUTINE HAS BEEN CHANGED AND I LOVE IT!
Misty, Siamese, Miami Beach, Fla: I'm on the tenth floor. I have a view of the street and the water. At first it was business as usual. They were all at the beach. At the bars. Only some of them were taking this seriously. It was both amusing and infuriating. I watched them from the window. Then, starting Monday, there were fewer and fewer of them. Food Source started staying home more.
Charlamagne: I DON'T LIKE THE TV BECAUSE IT IS SCARY! IT IS ON ALL THE TIME NOW. MASTER IS TALKING ABOUT BEING TRAPPED. AM I TRAPPED? NO, BECAUSE IF I AM WITH MASTER, THEN I AM NOT TRAPPED, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM. WE HAVE EACH OTHER. THAT IS WHAT COUNTS.
Misty: Food Source has taken to beckoning me more, petting me more. At first, I resisted. But Food Source needs it. He needs something. I think Food Source needs reassurance. I think he needs something without conditions.
Scotty: I THINK THE CHANGED ROUTINE IS NOT GOOD FOR EVERYONE. MASTER'S MOTHER IS NOT WELL. HE CAN'T SEE HER BUT HE KNOWS SHE IS SICK. MASTER IT IS OKAY. I AM WITH YOU!
Geraldine: Normally, while the ogre is at work, I do some reading. I was planning on finishing Proust by the equinox. When things changed, I was on volume five, which is titled, aptly, "The Prisoner." So I find myself viewing the humans through a literary lens.
Charlamagne: WALK TIME IS MY FAVORITE TIME. WE WERE OUT YESTERDAY AND IT WAS FANTASTIC AS USUAL, BUT ALSO DIFFERENT. THE LOCAL MASTERS WERE NOT GIVING ME BELLY RUBS. HAD I DONE SOMETHING WRONG?
Eleanor: I don't often go outside. Why would I? But I slipped out Wednesday and took a short prowl around the neighborhood. The air tastes cleaner than I remember it. The city seems quieter. The humans are spaced apart. What they have lost in proximity they seem to have gained in understanding.
Chuckles: MY FAMILY. I KEEP GOING TO THEM. HERE IS SOME LOVE. THEY DO THAT TO EACH OTHER TOO. HERE IS SOME LOVE. MOTHER WAS FEELING VERY BAD AND THEN SHE STOPPED GIVING LOVE AND SHE WENT AWAY. FAMILY WORRIES. I WORRY. HOW DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH THEM.
Geraldine: The humans usually have this stalwart but sad structure to their lives, made of veneers and illusions and distraction. That is going away.
Charlamagne: THE LOCAL MASTERS WERE NOT GIVING EACH OTHER HAND RUBS. WHAT IS WRONG, MASTERS?
Geraldine: I see them returning to something. They're retreating to more elemental feelings and actions, either through memory or by instinct. The ogre has been spending a lot of time on the phone with his parents. He has been reconnecting with old friends.
Charlamagne: MASTER IS TENDING TO THE CHILDREN IN A WAY I HAVE NOT SEEN BEFORE! HE IS TEACHING THEM. BUT ALSO LEARNING ABOUT THEM. MASTER IS NOTICING WHAT I NOTICE NOW. THEIR PLEASURES. THEIR FEARS.
Eleanor: I do worry about losing Vicki somehow. I rely on her. As do other humans. She comes home in her white coat, with a mask, and collapses on the couch. She talks on the phone to her friend Grace about not being able to save all of them. I've noticed that humans rely on each other, in a way that cats never have. I almost envy them.
Scotty: I HOPE THEY STAY STRONG. I HOPE THEY STICK TOGETHER. MASTER'S MOTHER MUST KNOW HOW MUCH HE CARES. HE MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE FOR HIM.
Geraldine: There's something long-ago about all this. A search for something from before. A regaining of what could've been, and still might be. Or not. Again, too much Proust.
Chuckles: I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT LOVE WAS ENOUGH. BUT MAYBE IT ISN'T.
Misty: There are fewer and fewer of them down below. The traffic lights cycle through colors over empty roads. Still, my food comes. It must be risky for Food Source to get food for me. I visit his lap more.
Charlamagne: IF NORMAL LIFE RETURNS I HOPE THAT SOME OF THIS LIFE REMAINS. ONLY THE GOOD STUFF. THE BEING TOGETHER. THAT WOULD MAKE NORMAL LIFE EVEN BETTER!
Misty: I can't say I hold much hope for Food Source, and for the rest of them. But if they do pull together, and pull through, and learning something from it, I'll give them something no cat has ever given them before: respect. ■